Let it begin with me is perhaps one of the less well-known slogans in recovery, perhaps more commonly associated with Al-Anon or Coda, but it is definitely one of the more effective sayings in helping people take back a sense of control over their life and recovery.
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Slogans
Slogans are commonplace in recovery, and for many people are an invaluable part of their daily routine.
The book Alcoholics Anonymous only has three slogans, but other fellowships have many more. Most meetings will have A4 size cards with slogans written on them, either scattered around the floor or perched around the room.
The benefit of slogans is that they are often an easy way of remembering a part of the programme, and they often act as a bit of a jolt to people’s thinking, enabling them to regroup what is going on inside their head in a more productive manner.
People will often have their favourite slogans written on a card at home, or on their phone or will come across one in a daily reader that seems to have meaning for them. Other people will often use the slogans at a meeting to help them focus on where they are at.
Double Meanings
Slogans, like any saying, can have more than one meaning, which can both be helpful and irritating at the same time.
Let it begin with me often evokes at least two if not more meanings. The more common one is why should I, a sense of frustration or irritation that the person has to make an effort to move things along or change them.
The second most common meaning is that it can give someone a sense of hope. Similar to the phrase ‘you can start your day again anytime you like’ it helps people realise that if they take the initiative in a situation, they begin to feel a greater sense of control over their life that they might well have not felt beforehand.
Often these two meanings can come up at pretty much the same time, making people realise how their own thinking is currently being processed.
The sense of ‘why should I’ can be a very common reaction when having to deal with alcoholism or sobriety, often wishful thinking based on not wanting to deal with the problem.
The other thinking around ‘let it begin with me’ is that it can give someone a sense of hope, knowing that they have a way out of whatever situation they may be in.
Not necessarily a practical way out, but a way out of feeling trapped by realising that they do have some choices, and can start to effect change in their own lives.
Change
Quite a common joke in recovery is that there is only one thing you need to change when you get sober, and that is everything !
The recovery process can often be quite slow, a combination of people’s fear of letting go of what is holding them together, both in terms of alcohol and / or emotional problems, on the fear of change.
Quite often the fear of change is about what someone is going to change into as a person if they follow the recovery process. This is partly fear of the unknown as well as fear of losing what is effectively the illusion of control over their own lives.
That is why it is really important to realise that recovery is a process, and tends to evolve slowly for most people because they make the transition from one dynamic to another quite slowly.
This is a normal and often healthy way to see recovery, although it can be quite irritating at times for everyone involved !
One of the benefits of this slogan is that it seems to reaffirm both sides of the illness. That on the one hand it can seem unfair to be affected by alcoholism, directly or indirectly, yet there is also a way out in terms of 12 step programme and other recovery tools.
Change is the intermediate stage between these two states, and as people move from one side to the other, the understanding of recovery allows people to hold both ways of being.
Problems
The person who is seeking recovery often sees their life as being one of blaming everyone else for all of their problems. The blame may be focused on God, life, a boss, family or anyone else who gets in the way.
Whilst other people may have a part to play, or have had a part to play in the person’s active alcoholism or recovery, the route to internal freedom is to be able to identify and separate out who is responsible for what, and begin to change the things that the person can.
It is no coincidence that the serenity prayer is commonly used in recovery, and given that some people may have problems with the God word, the essence of the prayer is to help people separate out what they have control over, what they don’t have control over and then focus on the things they can change within that context.
What this means in practise is it allows someone to own a problem, put the problem in some context and allow themselves to see what they can do to help resolve it. This doesn’t mean that the problem is necessarily going to go away, but it does mean that they can feel a sense of ownership over their life, a greater sense of control.
This sense of control is crucial. It allows the person to move away from feeling overwhelmed by whatever the problem is if that is the case, towards a position where they can sense there is some way out of it.
AA and Al-Anon
The above comments apply to all fellowships, but perhaps is expressed slightly differently in AA and Al-Anon.
AA generally has quite a macho, do or die approach or attitude to recovery. This often manifests itself by generating a sense of trying to force change at a pace that someone may not be ready for.
This type of pressure can come through sponsorship, meetings or generally where there is anywhere that has a more fundamentalist approach to recovery that AA generally exhibits.
Al-Anon is often seen as having a more gentle approach to recovery, allowing people time and space to find their own understanding of where they are at and what they need to do to change their lives.
This more gentle approach also means that there is relatively little pressure within the fellowship to change, or do things differently unless the person themselves really wants to.
Summary
Whilst all the above is quite a broad generalisation, it can also be seen as a very yin / yang approach to recovery, and the central part of anyone’s programme.
The general approach in recovery is that people do need to change both their behaviour and their inner world, although the degree of change needed will vary by individual to individual.
The slogan let it begin with me is perhaps at its strongest when it is saying to someone that they have the freedom to own their own life, which includes owning any sense of resentment or anger that they have to do this stuff, and also the freedom to move forward.
This slogan validates both positions as being authentic, and really allows the individual space to decide for themselves what level of change they can engage with at any particular time.
Ultimately that freedom is what will allow the individual to realise that their recovery is their own life, and that these are decisions they have to make in their own best interests, at some point.
